when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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