New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are a genius and a whore.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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