You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
