My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
