True but thats because hes a fetus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
