did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry about my life...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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