Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
