When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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