Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
