Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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