bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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