Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
