i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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