Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
