His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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