Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do herpes really smell.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i think my cat just said my name.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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