i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she smelled like a LAN party
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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