All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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