i would punch a child for taco bell
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
