Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
