Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
