i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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