id be glad to
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
