We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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