the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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