tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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