She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
