I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
