i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
