So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
