i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize