I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
