I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
