small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
