So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
