Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
