can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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