I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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