What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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