I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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