U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
