I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
