My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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