Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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