i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
