if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
