you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
