I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
