yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
