At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
