I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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