You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
