ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
