I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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