when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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