I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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