put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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