the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
