we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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