Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
