I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
