I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
