i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
