Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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