I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
