Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
