He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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