k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
