I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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