Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't notice because vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
