you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
